What I wanted: to stay in the bed and do nothing.
What I needed: to get out of the bed and exercise really hard .
What I did : I attempted to weights before spin – but ended up feeling really inadequate, really fat and like a faker. I ended up doing a really wimpy workout. I went to spin class and felt great. I didn’t have to think, I couldn’t wallow in my inadequacy.. I just had to follow instructions. This was exactly what I needed.
Why was I in such a funk? Well…. that time… (guys: stop reading here)
So 2-3 days before that time, I get in such a funk that I need to lock myself in a room and not speak to anyone until it is over. I know that I cannot make any major /minor decision nor should I have any big meetings around this time. My husband associates any major job changes or statements about career changes with this time . He is right. It is amazing how my perception and outlook on everything is so completely affected during this time. I was in a meeting yesterday and got a complete anxiety attack (silent). I am leading a team on a pretty big project and things have been going really well. However, yesterday I started thinking that everyone was just setting me up so that I could fail. I started thinking that they were going to find out that I really didn’t know what I was talking about. I started thinking they were laughing at me. Then I looked at my watch and realized the date. I realized that they are not laughing at me and I know what I’m talking about. Not only do I know – but I’m an expert . Knowing that this anxiety/paranoia is part of the 48 hours of craziness that precedes “that time” makes it easier to get through these crazy feelings. Knowing also helps me control my sweet cravings. On these days – the best thing for me to do is to task oriented work and instructor led workouts. The tough part is that this has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. A few years ago a doctor recommended I take a anti depressant for 2 weeks out of the month designed for people like me (women with Premenstrual dysphoric disorder- PMDD). I decided I did not want to go the drug route as there are several approaches to treatment. Especially since it lasts for only 48-72 hours of the month. Since coming to Washington – my symptoms have been much less severe. In fact, I believe that exercise (one of the treatment approaches) has cured me. But consistency is the key. The last two months I’ve had an increase in the severity of my symptoms and I’ve also slacked off in my exercise consistency. I‘ve been averaging 3-4 days a week vs. 5-6. This small changes makes a difference. I’ve been feeling that I need to go big (1 -2 hour intense workout) or go home. If I can’t get a big workout in I’ll not do anything. This is wrong – I need to work out consistently for 30-40 min a day even if it is not a “big” workout, even if I don’t have a big goal. My mind body and soul need daily consistent exercise.