The past 30 days have been quite perspective building for me. I :
- came very close to death
- was carted out of my house on a stretcher ( a first)
- stayed in the hospital for 1 week (also a first)
- took a leave of absense from work - (a first not due to a pregnancy)
- Truly learned what it means to take care of myself
- Reconsidered my life's purpose
- gained an insane amount of weight from not working out (like 7lbs)
- Taken more medication than I have in my lifetime
- Learned about living in the present
- Oh yeah -- I turned 40
So now what? I'm finally getting back into the swing of things -- but something tells me I cannot go back to business as usual. I have to press reset and move in a new and different direction. The problem is I am circling around what that change is and haven't quite landed yet. I know I need more balance in my life --in particular more self care/leisure. I also know that I need more passion - but I'm still figuring this out. I also believe that God gave me another chance and I need to make it count ...in a more meaningful way than before.
I'm doing quite a bit of thinking these days and I am really focused on being different - especially in terms of how I spend my energy.
I am still planning on completing the Danskin Triathlon in August and would like to squeeze in another. Problem is , I am so out of shape and my medical condition might get in the way of my training. I might need an intervention from Anthony - super trainer. I also have been struggling with food. I think the medication may also be having an impact as my appetite has certainly increased. I'm worried about my weight but I don't feel like it is impossible to get back down. I just need to hanker down and be incredibly disciplined. So far I am at a net loss of -47lbs -- which means I have gained 10lbs since January- (really in the last 2 months). I'm bummed but shaken up enough not to let myself go. Plus my clothes are getting snug and I refuse to buy new clothes in a bigger size.
I feel like my life has been turned upside down , but I am convinced that I will land on my feet. I have had the incredible support of my family and the best friends in the world. Plus my faith in God has grown exponentially. I am on an amazing (albeit perilous at times) journey , my challenge is to grow in wisdom and strength with each step.. Keep me in your prayers...