I got up today and decided that it was time to get back on the wagon. I got up early (4:30) and decided that today I would go to the gym and get in a really good workout. I was feeling good and excited to be going back. Everything went as planned... I went to locker room, got my bike shoes and seat, then went to spin class. I felt great during the class ... really strong. When it was over I decided to go get in a mini strength workout. I got through about 3 exercises when I saw his wife. She looked at me then started whispering to her friends. I ignored her.
Then all of the sudden out of nowhere - the president of the club appears. Now I thought it was a bit early for him (7:15am) but there he was , right in my line of sight. Seemed like an odd coincidence . I went up to him to let him know that I received his letter and that today was my first day back. I also told him that I thought it was too soon because I did not feel comfortable.
He said "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you workout at another gym". I'm not sure why but I got a bit emotional. Letting him know that I did nothing wrong and did not want to have to change my routine because of someone else's poor behavior. I then walked away and left the club feeling sad and angry. Why should I have to change? I did nothing wrong. After all they did not have any policies in place to protect me... they were in the wrong not me. This guy did something wrong by being too close to me. On my drive home I realized that I won't feel better until I have closure that is satisfactory to me. Right now it is still open and far from satisfactory.
I did a bit of research and found out that other reputable swim instructors think the methods used during my lesson, are absolutely unnecessary and inappropriate. I also searched for standards in the swim industry and unfortunately there are none. This is probably all I will say about this for a while -- but I wanted to give the update.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Update on the pool incident
So this post is a long time coming. I've been in such a weird place about this situation, but I am finally ready to open up about it .
The Letter and Meeting 1
A few days after the incident, I wrote a letter to the president of the club- stating the facts. The president called me to set up a meeting. As it turned out , the entire event had been videotaped. Knowing this, gave me relief. Relief that my account would not be a he said she said situation. Relief that the video could do some of the talking for me. Hubby went with me, thankfully. I was afraid I might get emotional and plus it was good to have support. To my surprise the meeting was very good. They were very humble and seemed very concerned . We reviewed the video tape and everything was pretty evident (to me). We asked about what policies were in place to prevent inappropriate incidents like this from happening. They said they didn't have any because nothing like this had ever happened. They said they would check HR policies , evaluate the situation and get back to us in a few days. As upset as I was, I actually felt good about the meeting. I felt comfortable, given the videotaped account, they would take immediate action.
The 2nd meeting:
The second meeting was set up to inform us of their decision. The meeting was basically their chance to tell me that they spoke to him and he was very distraught about the entire situation. They then began to describe several what if scenarios to determine if my reactions would have been different. Like" what if he asked you if you were uncomfortable?" . They also asked if he said anything inappropriate . As they were asking me these questions, my confidence started to wane. I started to feel like they were definitely taking sides. They then said that the bottom line was that they thought the incident was an accident and that they were sorry that I felt uncomfortable. They thought his method was appropriate and he was a long time employee with no prior complaints of this nature. I got up and said the meeting was over and I needed to leave. I was so angry that they were taking his side that I could not stay in the room any longer.
The official reply
A few days later I received an official letter stating not that it was an accident (as they told me at the in person meeting). This letter stated that after reviewing the tapes , they said it is inconclusive. They cannot prove or disprove what I said. They are taking precautions like adding training and creating a policy to prevent this type of incident (accidental inappropriate touching) from happening in the future.
The Impact on me:
I feel happy that I said something. Happy that others won't go through this again at this place. Happy that there is now a policy and happy that the policy describes punitive action for violators. However I am not quite settled about it. I am still angry that it happened to me. I'm angry because this little "accident" as it was called, has had a major impact on me, Emotionally and Physically. Emotionally - I have not resumed my regular pre incident workouts (my weekly brick workouts, swimming, etc). I have been very distracted by the whole thing - in a very bad way. The physical impact is that I have not been able to go into back to the gym since it all happened. I have not been swimming, nor have I been working out as hard. I'm just not as disciplined when working out at home. I've gotten good workouts in but they haven't been as intense as what I would have done at the gym. Further it is far easier to be distracted at home so my workouts tend to be shorter. I am also someone who tends to be an emotional eater ...so I've not been as disciplined. I know this should not have impacted me in this way ..but the bottom line is it has. Inside of me I want to fight against this and not let anything interrupt my fitness goals or my weight loss success. I am doing ok but I feel very vulnerable.
Next steps:
I am still evaluating what to do next. There are several options depending on how far I want to take this. At the end of the day I just want life to return to normal. My normal workouts, my normal schedule, my normal comfortable feeling at one of my favorite places..the gym. One thing I know for sure... I don't feel comfortable there. I don't want to see him or his wife (who also works there) and I certainly don't believe I should financially support a place that doesn't support me.
One day very soon, I will look back on this experience and look at how I've grown from it. I'm hoping that it will help me not rely on the gym ...and figure out how to get my workout on my own. I will also be able to look back and feel that I am emotionally stronger because of this. I am really looking forward to that day.
The Letter and Meeting 1
A few days after the incident, I wrote a letter to the president of the club- stating the facts. The president called me to set up a meeting. As it turned out , the entire event had been videotaped. Knowing this, gave me relief. Relief that my account would not be a he said she said situation. Relief that the video could do some of the talking for me. Hubby went with me, thankfully. I was afraid I might get emotional and plus it was good to have support. To my surprise the meeting was very good. They were very humble and seemed very concerned . We reviewed the video tape and everything was pretty evident (to me). We asked about what policies were in place to prevent inappropriate incidents like this from happening. They said they didn't have any because nothing like this had ever happened. They said they would check HR policies , evaluate the situation and get back to us in a few days. As upset as I was, I actually felt good about the meeting. I felt comfortable, given the videotaped account, they would take immediate action.
The 2nd meeting:
The second meeting was set up to inform us of their decision. The meeting was basically their chance to tell me that they spoke to him and he was very distraught about the entire situation. They then began to describe several what if scenarios to determine if my reactions would have been different. Like" what if he asked you if you were uncomfortable?" . They also asked if he said anything inappropriate . As they were asking me these questions, my confidence started to wane. I started to feel like they were definitely taking sides. They then said that the bottom line was that they thought the incident was an accident and that they were sorry that I felt uncomfortable. They thought his method was appropriate and he was a long time employee with no prior complaints of this nature. I got up and said the meeting was over and I needed to leave. I was so angry that they were taking his side that I could not stay in the room any longer.
The official reply
A few days later I received an official letter stating not that it was an accident (as they told me at the in person meeting). This letter stated that after reviewing the tapes , they said it is inconclusive. They cannot prove or disprove what I said. They are taking precautions like adding training and creating a policy to prevent this type of incident (accidental inappropriate touching) from happening in the future.
The Impact on me:
I feel happy that I said something. Happy that others won't go through this again at this place. Happy that there is now a policy and happy that the policy describes punitive action for violators. However I am not quite settled about it. I am still angry that it happened to me. I'm angry because this little "accident" as it was called, has had a major impact on me, Emotionally and Physically. Emotionally - I have not resumed my regular pre incident workouts (my weekly brick workouts, swimming, etc). I have been very distracted by the whole thing - in a very bad way. The physical impact is that I have not been able to go into back to the gym since it all happened. I have not been swimming, nor have I been working out as hard. I'm just not as disciplined when working out at home. I've gotten good workouts in but they haven't been as intense as what I would have done at the gym. Further it is far easier to be distracted at home so my workouts tend to be shorter. I am also someone who tends to be an emotional eater ...so I've not been as disciplined. I know this should not have impacted me in this way ..but the bottom line is it has. Inside of me I want to fight against this and not let anything interrupt my fitness goals or my weight loss success. I am doing ok but I feel very vulnerable.
Next steps:
I am still evaluating what to do next. There are several options depending on how far I want to take this. At the end of the day I just want life to return to normal. My normal workouts, my normal schedule, my normal comfortable feeling at one of my favorite places..the gym. One thing I know for sure... I don't feel comfortable there. I don't want to see him or his wife (who also works there) and I certainly don't believe I should financially support a place that doesn't support me.
One day very soon, I will look back on this experience and look at how I've grown from it. I'm hoping that it will help me not rely on the gym ...and figure out how to get my workout on my own. I will also be able to look back and feel that I am emotionally stronger because of this. I am really looking forward to that day.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
3 hour and 45 minute bike ride--- in the rain
I planned to do a nice simple ride around the lake today. I figured I'd get in 25miles and then a quick run and then I'd be ready to spend good quality time with the kids today. My normal route is on moderately busy streets - in the bike lane of course. This is totally unnecessary because western Washington has some of the best paved bike trails in the country. Problem is -because I'm such a loner, I do what I know and don't often explore.
I was feeling great when I went out - I got my speed right up to 18mph. My goal was to work on speed and stay between 18-20mph on flat and no lower than 12 on the rolling hill. About 7 miles in - I spot a little sign for the trail network. I decided to follow it to see where it led me. It was wonderful. I discovered that I can connect part of my normal route with a pretty challenging trail ride.
Riding on the trail is nice because of the peace, quiet and beautiful scenery. It also allows me to zone out a bit and think about things other than cars.
The rain started at about mile 15 and I hadn't even made it to my halfway point yet. I thought about turning around but then I figured it would probably stop soon. At about mile 20 I realized it was not going to stop. I decided to keep going because for some strange reason I wanted to go to Seattle over this I-90 bridge. I kept going -- in the rain.
By the time I got back home - I was dripping wet , but feeling good. All in all -- nice way to spend a Saturday morning. While I felt good, I know the ride next week (Flying Wheels) will take me about 6-8 hours depending on my speed. I think I'm ready but I'm a little nervous.
I was feeling great when I went out - I got my speed right up to 18mph. My goal was to work on speed and stay between 18-20mph on flat and no lower than 12 on the rolling hill. About 7 miles in - I spot a little sign for the trail network. I decided to follow it to see where it led me. It was wonderful. I discovered that I can connect part of my normal route with a pretty challenging trail ride.
Riding on the trail is nice because of the peace, quiet and beautiful scenery. It also allows me to zone out a bit and think about things other than cars.
The rain started at about mile 15 and I hadn't even made it to my halfway point yet. I thought about turning around but then I figured it would probably stop soon. At about mile 20 I realized it was not going to stop. I decided to keep going because for some strange reason I wanted to go to Seattle over this I-90 bridge. I kept going -- in the rain.
By the time I got back home - I was dripping wet , but feeling good. All in all -- nice way to spend a Saturday morning. While I felt good, I know the ride next week (Flying Wheels) will take me about 6-8 hours depending on my speed. I think I'm ready but I'm a little nervous.
Monday, June 4, 2007
19 hours of travel time then 60+ house guests
It is hard to maintain a "clean" diet when you spend an inordinate amount of time surrounded by convenience food. I started out ok... fruit for breakfast but that quickly changed when fatigue and hunger set in later in the day. I left Munich at 1:45am PST and arrived at my home at 11:15pm the next day. While the food in business class is better than what is normally served, it was still tough to maintain. I had salad- but I also had way too much bread. I ended up sitting next to an female attorney from Phoenix. She and I had so much in common it was funny. Without talking about working out - she said out of the blue " are you a runner?". I think this is the first time (ok 2nd) in my life anyone ever thought I was involved in sports. I said no why did you ask. She said I had really nice gear . My sneakers, My thermal nike pullover and my pants. We started talking and I told her I was into training for triathlons ...she was too. She was also really into marathons and 1/2 marathons. She travels around the country to participate in various races -- along with her best friend. How cool. She recently completed a rock and roll series that included 5 marathons in 5 cities over 7 months. She'd done 1 triathlon and was gearing up to do a few more this year. She was a busy working mom of 3 children and a marathon runner/triathlete. We had a good chat then we went to sleep:)
I arrived home last night at 11 and woke up this am at 5. My body is still off kilter. Plus I needed to do a little bit of straightening up since we are hosted a the J&J Family day. All told there were about 60+ people at my house . We had a great time, but I was was happy to get to bed when it was all over.
I arrived home last night at 11 and woke up this am at 5. My body is still off kilter. Plus I needed to do a little bit of straightening up since we are hosted a the J&J Family day. All told there were about 60+ people at my house . We had a great time, but I was was happy to get to bed when it was all over.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Pretzels with butter and Shiraz Tea
Well I'm wrapping up my Europe trip today. I'm in Detroit on a layover on my way home. Yesterday I spent the day in Munich in meetings and then went out to eat at a very nice dinner . It was a modified traditional Bavarian dinner complete with pretzels and all. I decided a head of time that I would have traditional German pretzel just to experience it. I made sure that I worked out in the am to offset any incremental calories. Well the pretzel was tasty - but not unlike anything I've ever had before. Funny - in Germany the idea of pretzels with mustard is pretty strange.. my colleagues had never heard of this. Instead they eat them with butter or cheese. The rest of the meal was tasty - a local fish and baby potatoes. Being in Germany was the first time I've experienced having absolutely no idea what was being said around me. I spent time in France/Italy before and because I speak French I can understand and at least pick up the gist of what is being said in Italian. German isn't patterned after the romance languages so it is hard to even pick up a word.
Before hopping on the plane yesterday, I went running (on a track), shopping and on a chocolate and tea pilgrimage. I've decided that I could totally live in Paris. There is a certain energy you feel when walking on the streets - similar to NY but much calmer. The limestone buildings are so beautifully maintained that it actually feels contemporary and current . If I ever get a chance to get transferred to Paris , I won't bat an eye...I'm there. The chocolate and tea pilgrimage was one of the highlights of the trip. First my coworker needed to pick up tea for one of her colleagues from a particular store that was near my favorite chocolate store. The tea store was called Hediard. It is a gourmet sweet, tea and wine shop. I've never seen anything like their tea assortment. They have vats and vats of special mixes and flavors of loose tea leaves. You tell them what you like and the tea master (I'm sure there is a name for him- I just don't know it) will let you smell it and give you a sample. I bought Shiraz, Primavera and a Noel blend. Absolutely delicious. After the tea shop we went to Angelina's- home of the best hot chocolate in the world. They also call the hot chocolate - African Tea - which was a new term for me. I never realized that before. Anyway it was out of this world delicious. My coworker was hooked too. We both bought several bags to take back home.
We walked about 5 miles (in addition to my 2 1/2 mile run) so by the end of the day I was beat.
Here are a few pictures from old Munich in Germany.... 
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About Me
- alondaray
- West Coast, United States
- I am a christian woman, wife, mom to 2 great kids, a member of Delta Sigma Theta, A Jack and Jill mom, sister, daughter . I am also incredibly fit but wasn't always. I am a recovering fat girl - who takes it one day at a time.
Alonda the Triathlete!
