off kilter and time management

This week is the first week in a long time that I have truly felt out of balance. My work/life/workout balance is way off. I think I worked 75 + hours each of the last 2 weeks, worked out for only 5 hours and spent no time doing anything else I like. Time with my family feels totally out of whack - I missed a few end of year performances during the day. What a bummer.
I did the bike ride last weekend and the rest of the week my workouts have been very light. I did weights and cardio for 45 minutes 1 day and that was about it. I have been feeling very off base because of not working out. Plus my food choices are not as great as they should be ..and the scale is letting me know. So far I have put on 2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. This is definitely not good. What is so funny is that 2lbs feels like 20 lbs. I can tell exactly where the 2lbs are. Plus I feel like I've lost a bit of muscle tone. Hubby says I'm a bit neurotic , but this is the way I feel.

So here is the plan . ..SOUND THE ALARM. Enough already. I know this can all be traced back to not going to the gym and disrupting my routine. Well I decided that I'm done with that whole issue and the instructor is not worth me losing any momentum. There will always be obstacles - some bigger than others. So I will chalk the whole swim incident to character refinement and be happy that my action resulted in a new policy. But as an aside - would you believe I got a bill for that swim lesson. The audacity! Ok - now I'm really done. (of course I'm not paying).

So here is what I learned this week about time management. 1) I suck at it but didn't always. When I was in college, I was an RA, a National Officer in my sorority, worked a full time job, had a boyfriend, was on the deans list and never missed a beat. I was incredibly disciplined with my time. Now I'm not quite as disciplined and allow more flexibility. 2) I think I have a new approach. My new approach comes indirectly from Bill Gates. My VP used to work for Billg and picked up a few great tips that he shared with me. This is a bit much but worth attempting.

He decides at the beginning of the year his priorities and how he wants to spend his time: time at work, time with family , personal time etc. He then plans out everything for the year. For example he might say ..I will spend 20 hours a year with person X and then has his assistant plan it out. He then constantly evaluates to make sure he is hitting his targets by category and if not, he adjusts. He spends quite a bit of time load balancing.

I like the idea and I'm going to give it a try. I'll try it for the week instead of the whole year. My time for the week would look something like this:

• Quiet time/spiritual time - 6 hours
• Alone time with hubby - awake/no kids - 9 hours
• Quality family time - 22 hours
• 1:1 time with each child - 2 hours (1 hour each)
• Workout time - 11 hours
• Worktime 50 hours (max)
• Sleep :49 hours
• Commute time 6 hours
• Public service/free time/time with friends: 5 hours
• Clean up/chores/garden: 7 hours

168 hours available This schedule = 168
I will also need to do a double click and plan out the individual areas , like how I will spend my 50 hours of work time... and my 11 hours of workout time. I'll post my new workout .

Is this realistic? Is this the right balance. I'll give go.

A new class... a new attitude

I took a new spin class today, at a new gym , in a new town. I decided that I am the only one who gets to determine how successful I will or will not be in achieving my fitness goals. God is in control of my future - not any swim instructor or his wife or any whispering personal trainers. I know enough to be extremely successful in my fitness quest and I have the character to overcome difficult situations.
Today I got up - and decided to go print off a guest pass for my local Bally's gym. I checked the schedule online and saw that they had a 6am spin class. I arrived and was immediately hit with the reality that this was not the club I had become used to. There were no towels waiting for me when I arrived, and I needed to bring my own lock for my locker and oh yeah, I needed to carry paper towels to wipe the machines down (instead of the nice fluffy towels used at the other club). And of course the decor and machine quality is very different. But despite all of that, it was totally fine and quite refreshing. The employees noticed that I was new and offered to help me . The spin instructor came over and introduced himself and asked if I was ok with my bike setup. The class was really good and the music was awesome. A few people in the class came up and chatted with me afterwards. One offered to go out riding on the weekend. After spin I went to do 20min on the stair climber. One of the Personal Trainers came over and started chatting. He thought I should take it from level 6 to level 7. So I did...it was certainly a lot harder but I could do it. He didn't know me but was already trying to push me. (I recognize that he sees me as fresh meat that might be interested in his for pay services ...but let me have my moment) Because the place is smaller - there is more of a sense of camaraderie - especially at that hour. The other thing I noticed from the bulletin boards, is that this gym has successfully churned out several female figure and fitness competitors. This is good news since I am strongly considering a similar type contest for my 40 y birthday challenge. Since I don't think my knees (or my husband) will allow me to go for the 1/2 Ironman.

Going to this gym - helped me realize that I need to keep moving....moving fast and strong.
Theme song for today " Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me back, oh no, I've gotta keep on moving..." (song by 1 hit wonder UniqueII)

Feeling good.... feeling bad

I got up today and decided that it was time to get back on the wagon. I got up early (4:30) and decided that today I would go to the gym and get in a really good workout. I was feeling good and excited to be going back. Everything went as planned... I went to locker room, got my bike shoes and seat, then went to spin class. I felt great during the class ... really strong. When it was over I decided to go get in a mini strength workout. I got through about 3 exercises when I saw his wife. She looked at me then started whispering to her friends. I ignored her.

Then all of the sudden out of nowhere - the president of the club appears. Now I thought it was a bit early for him (7:15am) but there he was , right in my line of sight. Seemed like an odd coincidence . I went up to him to let him know that I received his letter and that today was my first day back. I also told him that I thought it was too soon because I did not feel comfortable.
He said "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you workout at another gym". I'm not sure why but I got a bit emotional. Letting him know that I did nothing wrong and did not want to have to change my routine because of someone else's poor behavior. I then walked away and left the club feeling sad and angry. Why should I have to change? I did nothing wrong. After all they did not have any policies in place to protect me... they were in the wrong not me. This guy did something wrong by being too close to me. On my drive home I realized that I won't feel better until I have closure that is satisfactory to me. Right now it is still open and far from satisfactory.
I did a bit of research and found out that other reputable swim instructors think the methods used during my lesson, are absolutely unnecessary and inappropriate. I also searched for standards in the swim industry and unfortunately there are none. This is probably all I will say about this for a while -- but I wanted to give the update.

Update on the pool incident

So this post is a long time coming. I've been in such a weird place about this situation, but I am finally ready to open up about it .

The Letter and Meeting 1

A few days after the incident, I wrote a letter to the president of the club- stating the facts. The president called me to set up a meeting. As it turned out , the entire event had been videotaped. Knowing this, gave me relief. Relief that my account would not be a he said she said situation. Relief that the video could do some of the talking for me. Hubby went with me, thankfully. I was afraid I might get emotional and plus it was good to have support. To my surprise the meeting was very good. They were very humble and seemed very concerned . We reviewed the video tape and everything was pretty evident (to me). We asked about what policies were in place to prevent inappropriate incidents like this from happening. They said they didn't have any because nothing like this had ever happened. They said they would check HR policies , evaluate the situation and get back to us in a few days. As upset as I was, I actually felt good about the meeting. I felt comfortable, given the videotaped account, they would take immediate action.

The 2nd meeting:
The second meeting was set up to inform us of their decision. The meeting was basically their chance to tell me that they spoke to him and he was very distraught about the entire situation. They then began to describe several what if scenarios to determine if my reactions would have been different. Like" what if he asked you if you were uncomfortable?" . They also asked if he said anything inappropriate . As they were asking me these questions, my confidence started to wane. I started to feel like they were definitely taking sides. They then said that the bottom line was that they thought the incident was an accident and that they were sorry that I felt uncomfortable. They thought his method was appropriate and he was a long time employee with no prior complaints of this nature. I got up and said the meeting was over and I needed to leave. I was so angry that they were taking his side that I could not stay in the room any longer.

The official reply
A few days later I received an official letter stating not that it was an accident (as they told me at the in person meeting). This letter stated that after reviewing the tapes , they said it is inconclusive. They cannot prove or disprove what I said. They are taking precautions like adding training and creating a policy to prevent this type of incident (accidental inappropriate touching) from happening in the future.


The Impact on me:
I feel happy that I said something. Happy that others won't go through this again at this place. Happy that there is now a policy and happy that the policy describes punitive action for violators. However I am not quite settled about it. I am still angry that it happened to me. I'm angry because this little "accident" as it was called, has had a major impact on me, Emotionally and Physically. Emotionally - I have not resumed my regular pre incident workouts (my weekly brick workouts, swimming, etc). I have been very distracted by the whole thing - in a very bad way. The physical impact is that I have not been able to go into back to the gym since it all happened. I have not been swimming, nor have I been working out as hard. I'm just not as disciplined when working out at home. I've gotten good workouts in but they haven't been as intense as what I would have done at the gym. Further it is far easier to be distracted at home so my workouts tend to be shorter. I am also someone who tends to be an emotional eater ...so I've not been as disciplined. I know this should not have impacted me in this way ..but the bottom line is it has. Inside of me I want to fight against this and not let anything interrupt my fitness goals or my weight loss success. I am doing ok but I feel very vulnerable.

Next steps:
I am still evaluating what to do next. There are several options depending on how far I want to take this. At the end of the day I just want life to return to normal. My normal workouts, my normal schedule, my normal comfortable feeling at one of my favorite places..the gym. One thing I know for sure... I don't feel comfortable there. I don't want to see him or his wife (who also works there) and I certainly don't believe I should financially support a place that doesn't support me.

One day very soon, I will look back on this experience and look at how I've grown from it. I'm hoping that it will help me not rely on the gym ...and figure out how to get my workout on my own. I will also be able to look back and feel that I am emotionally stronger because of this. I am really looking forward to that day.

You are strong and can handle anything.....

My grandmother's name was Alice but everyone called her "Coot". Many members of my family had nicknames - especially those from my grandparents generation. Names like Nap, Red, HC, etc. Most of these nicknames had something to do with how the person looked or some physical characteristic, not necessarily based on their name. Not the case today - of course. In fact I don't know any relative under 45 with a nickname (at least one so far from their name). Anyway, my grandmother's nickname came from the fact that as a child she was very "cute" . She wore her hair in two long braids and stood out as a very "cute girl". Her nickname was "Coot gal". Over the years as she moved from South Carolina to NJ and became a young woman, the name stuck. People dropped the "gal" and just called her "coot". This name stuck for the rest of her life. The irony is that while my grandmother may have been cute as a child - her personality was certainly not cute. My grandmother was one of the strongest women I've ever known. She was physically strong 5'11, 0% body fat and able to lift and move boxes and chairs (at age 70), Emotionally strong - never saw her get rattled by anything; spiritually strong and had incredible strength of character. She also was known for her right fist:).

Cootgal has also become a bit of a legend in my house. She was a really great storyteller and I've tried to keep her stories alive with my children. Whenever they get nervous about something, I tell them to pray and that the spirit of Cootgal lives in them . This makes them feel stronger.

Today during spin class, I felt stronger because of her. No swimming today (still have not gone back) just spinning, running and weights . I love Wednesday endurance rides because the instructor really forces me to push my limits. The instructor always tells us to go harder than we think we can and try to sustain it. I always go for it -with just a little more resistance than I think I can handle, a little more speed than I want. She said " You are strong and can handle it". Right at that moment, I thought about Coot . She worked as a seamstress, was a wife and mother to 5 children, grandmother, managed a huge garden (in the suburbs of NJ) and ran her house. She was strong and probably never thought there was anything she couldn't handle. She probably took a deep breath and handled it. I felt that way today during spin class. I am strong enough to handle the additional resistance and the additional speed. I just need to find my breath and I handle it.

I've had a lot of extra resistance in my life these last few weeks. Thankfully I am strong enough to find my breath and handle it.

nothing today

what happens when I don't workout? I have a bad day. I should know this by now - even 15 minutes goes a long way. Today I woke up early enough- but made a choice to get a few emails done before work. Before I knew it, it was time to make breakfast for kids and go to work. What happened - bad day. On one of the emails I sent - I missed a word and it created all the wrong reactions. I was not on my A game... I had 4 pieces of chocolate (after almost 2 weeks with none) and I was not emotionally centered. A bit of a wreck.

I also discovered that I will need to be in Europe the week of my first triathlon of the season. I'm a little bummed because now I have to decide if I rush back from Paris in order to do the triathlon and also consider how such a trip will impact my performance. In a strange way - I think I will be fine .. in other words I wont fall apart. I've done at least 10 brick workouts so far - not the full distance but I'm pretty sure I have the endurance. My running is certainly better so my transitions should be ok. I'm prepared for the cycling. I think I'll go for it..

pent up energy

Today's moment of transformation came at exactly 14 minutes and 40 seconds into spin class. From minute 1 - 14 I was thinking more about yesterday and I was not in the moment. When I reached my moment, I became strong and powerful. In fact, today's ride was not hard enough. I struggled to feel challenged. I turned my resistance up to the max and really pushed my speed. It was hard but not hard enough that I wanted to stop. It felt good and i needed to work that hard today.
After spin class - I ran 1.5 miles in about 14 minutes. I did 30 min weights and then finished out with more cardio - 30 min on Elliptical. I guess I had a lot of pent of energy that I needed to work out.
No swimming today -- not sure when I'll go back.

Nutrition was ok today - but I was really craving a bagel today. I had a protein shake for breakfast, Tomato soup for lunch, tuna for snack and chicken and broccoli for dinner. 1330 all day. I need to add complex carbs...

Inappropiate Touching???

Improvement in running and cycling happens most with volume . In other words if I want to be a better runner - I need run more often, run longer and run faster. That is what I've been doing .. and it is working. I am a better runner and I don't hate it as much. Improving in cycling also requires volume (more cycling) with more intensity and longer duration. There are also opportunities to improve cycling with technique - bike shoes, clips, aero bars, pedal stroke, etc. I practice these technique improvements in spin class. Swimming improvement also comes with technique. However learning about these swimming techniques requires evaluation of the stroke by a professional . This is why I decided to take a swim lesson.
Last year I took total immersion swimming and triathlon swim training and I learned a ton. My instructor was a former Ironman finisher and a top swimming instructor.
This year I decided to improve my swimming technique and hopefully gain some speed through efficiency. Today was my 1 hour private swim lesson with the same instructor.
First red flag - we went into the private swim room. Most private swim lessons are in the main lap pool. For some reason, my lesson was in the private teaching pool - which is not visible by people in the main pool -or anyone.
It started out harmless enough. Watching my stroke and providing feedback. Then he
got in the water with me. Now I have never had a private lesson before, so I don't know what is normal and what is not. What I do know is that there is no reason why I should be able to tell how excited someone is. There were several repeated instances of touching and body part rubbing . I thought it was inappropriate. Since it was all in the context of swim lessons, I thought I was being silly. I kept saying to myself .. come on - this must be how swim lessons are conducted. This guy wouldn't jeopardize his job. This must be the way he does it. Then I started asking myself - is there any other way he could teach me this skill? Would he do this with a man? Would a woman instructor do the same thing? I also recalled that I had never seen any other lessons being conducted in this way. But hey I haven't seen all of the lessons. For some reasons - I didn't listen to my inner voice and I let it go. Part of me was curious to see if this guy was serious or if I was being sensitive. It happened a few more times but again in the context of "rotate your hips", "keep your head straight" etc..
All day I've been thinking about this incident and the feeling of his hands on my hips and feeling his excitement behind me... and I think my inner voice was right. Today I improved my swimming technique but I'm also pretty sure I became a victim.